We’re preparing a small, excellent and not quite obvious dinner. Nothing was decided until yesterday. I feel simple and joyful today.
I allow myself to. No, I have not stopped looking at the world. There is so much destruction and madness: drugs, war, lies and betrayals… stupid decisions on every conceivable scale. History repeating itself forever and ever: greed & fear.
I’ve read many books, met many friends, seen many places. I remember too much work and too little. I remember people feeling like geniuses when they were just lucky and I remember humble geniuses. I remember violent sex and surprising acts of kindness… good things and bad things and things that just were. I remember the feeling that everything is about to change and the feeling that nothing ever will.
Next year I will try to make things different and better. But right now I allow myself to be in peace.
This Christmas I had one of my best surprises ever.
I was doing my usual Santa gig: a tired Santa hauling presents out of a big bag, sweating like an old boxer losing that final comeback match. Another year of showering kids with all too-expected gifts: futile and embarrassing.
And then I started reading out loud – and realized most of the presents this year were from the kids to everyone else.